What is consent? What is power? What is control? When Samuel told Romy that she was his “babygirl”, something shifted in me, and I am so serious!
“Be a lady they said. Don’t be a temptress. Look sexy. Look hot. Don’t be so provocative. Be a lady they said. Save yourself. Be pure. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t flirt. Don’t be a whore. Don’t sleep around. Don’t lose your dignity. Don’t give yourself away. Don’t be a prude. Don’t be so uptight. Have a little fun. Smile more. Pleasure men. Be experienced. Be sexual. Be innocent. Be dirty. Be virginal. Be sexy.”
I can’t stop thinking about Camille Rainville’s 2017 poem, featured in a 2020 video by Girls Girls Girls Magazine with Cynthia Nixon. It poignantly captures the relentless contradictions women face every day - a suffocating demand to be everything at once, yet never too much of anything. This struggle to navigate impossible and restrictive standards remains at the core of society’s expectations of women and resonates deeply with Babygirl.
Babygirl is a psychosexual and erotic thriller written and directed by Dutch filmmaker Halina Reijn. It follows Romy Mathis (Nicole Kidman), the powerful Founder and CEO of Tensile, a company specializing in warehouse automation. A tough businesswoman by day and a devoted wife and mother by night, she seems to have it all under control - yet things aren’t always as they seem.
“She’s on a quest, she’s in a crisis, and she’s not sure what that means or how it’s going to happen, but she knows she’s restless and possibly in a place of self-sabotaging,” explains Nicole Kidman.
Overwhelmed by her sexual desires, Romy finds herself irresistibly drawn to Samuel (Harris Dickinson), a much younger intern at her company. Their affair, steeped in BDSM - erotic practices or role-playing that involve bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related dynamics in interpersonal relationships - threatens to unravel her carefully constructed life, especially as her position of power over him complicates their dynamic. But Babygirl isn't just about the usual power dynamics we often see portrayed in films - “you never know who’s the cat, who’s the mouse, who’s chasing who, who’s blackmailing who” - instead it offers a fresh, layered and deeply thought-provoking perspective. Babygirl challenges conventions and explores themes with nuance and emotional depth, making it so much more than just another story about control or dominance!
I've heard people saying that the film places excessive focus on Romy’s kinks, suggesting that it’s being overdramatized because, after all, “everyone has their own kinks, right?” However, this perspective misses the broader point of the story. Many people aren’t introduced to the idea of sexuality as a natural, normal part of life while growing up, nor are they taught that having desires - or understanding that sex and intimacy can take different forms - is okay. For many people, these concepts are still never fully explored or accepted. The film emphasizes that sex and intimacy are deeply personal experiences - whether it’s submission, voyeurism, humiliation, roleplay, or anything else - as long as all parties involved give informed consent and no laws or safety boundaries are crossed, any form of sexual expression is valid.
Babygirl is about fully embracing the darker sides of yourself - the parts you're ashamed of, the things you're not proud of - and facing them head-on, shining a light on them. It’s a cautionary tale about what happens when a woman suppresses those aspects of herself. When you allow the “beast” within yourself to awaken and coexist with you, you can find a balance and even tame it, but when you deny its existence, saying, “No, I don’t have a beast,” that’s when you run into trouble, explains Halina Reijn - and that is why the poem from Camille Rainville resonates so deeply with this film. In our society, women are often discouraged from embracing their sexual freedom or openly expressing their desires.
Societal norms and cultural expectations frequently impose restrictive standards, portraying female sexuality as something to be controlled or hidden rather than celebrated. While men are often granted the freedom to explore and express their desires without judgment, women often face stigmatization, shame, and double standards for doing the same. This unequal dynamic perpetuates the idea that female sexuality is taboo, making it harder for women to feel empowered in owning their desires or exploring intimacy on their own terms.
Babygirl is therefore a gift - Halina Reijn wrote a bold, provocative film that is also very human and vulnerable, and it truly is a special one. During the press conference at the Venice Film Festival, she spoke about the fact that one of the main reasons for making Babygirl was to address women’s relationships with their bodies - “The female orgasm, the huge orgasm gap that still exists, people, take notes, men,” so in the end, the film truly feels like a tribute to self-love and gives us a sort of cathartic experience.
The fact that this film was written and directed by a woman makes all the difference. For years, women have had to watch their stories being told through the lens of male directors, a perspective that often fails to fully capture their reality. Having more women filmmakers bringing these kinds of stories to our screens is refreshing and feels like a long-overdue shift.
Romy’s journey of embracing her darker side, her sexuality, and ultimately her authentic self - especially with a partner who she feels comfortable with and who understands her and her needs - is portrayed as a deeply positive and empowering step in her life. Suppressing her desires to meet societal expectations or to please her husband becomes a central conflict, making the gradual validation of her fantasies all the more impactful. Her relationship with Samuel underscores the importance of creating a safe space for exploring such desires, highlighting the complexities of intimacy and mutual understanding.
Halina Reijn masterfully explores the complexities of human nature, particularly through the lens of self-sabotage and desire. The film doesn't merely paint its characters in black-and-white terms; rather, it dives deep into the gray areas, offering a raw and unfiltered look at the choices people make when driven by intense emotional and physical needs. At its core, Babygirl examines how desires can push individuals to sabotage themselves, even when they yearn for something better. The characters' internal struggles between seeking fulfillment and acting in ways that contradict their true desires reveal the fragile nature of human agency. They make decisions shaped by their deepest insecurities, fears, and yearning for connection, yet they often end up undermining themselves, trapped in a cycle of pursuit and avoidance. Reijn does a remarkable job of showing how these characters' (Romy and Samuel) desires are not only about physical needs but also about reconciling their inner conflicts.
Nicole Kidman gives us one of the most incredible performances of her career - this role leaves her “exposed and vulnerable and frightened” because “shooting Babygirl was exhausting and emotionally disturbing,” she said. Since the beginning of her career, Nicole Kidman has always made incredibly bold choices, consistently taking risks without shying away from showing raw vulnerability on screen - she just keeps pushing boundaries with each project she takes on and Babygirl is no exception. Her passion for her craft is undeniable, and we can feel it through the screen - she pours her heart and soul into this performance and completely abandons herself in this role, and it truly is beautiful to watch.
However, this film isn’t solely about women - it also explores the experiences of men, with the rest of the cast delivering equally brilliant performances. Harris Dickinson's portrayal of Samuel is impeccable - he “represents the confusion within a young man of today” - how should men conduct themselves, and how should they navigate their roles within sex? It’s interesting to observe the evolution of his character, as he appears very confident and sure of himself on one hand, yet deeply vulnerable and frightened on the other. The film goes beyond just two individuals having sex; they ultimately need each other as they both speak to each other's desires. And honestly, their chemistry (Dickinson and Kidman) is undeniable, offering the audience the sexiest pairing of 2024!
There’s also an interesting generational clash in Babygirl. You can feel it between Romy and Samuel, but what’s also intriguing is the role of Romy’s daughter, Isabel (Esther-Rose McGregor). Isabel's free-spirited, sex-positive attitude sharply contrasts with Romy’s more conflicted views on sex, love, and relationships. This contrast becomes a pivotal point in Romy’s journey, offering her both a mirror and a challenge to her preconceived notions. In a particularly poignant moment, Isabel consoles her mother, gently offering reassurance and understanding in a way that helps Romy feel less isolated in her emotional turmoil. Their bond, marked by this moment of vulnerability and mutual care, is deeply touching. It’s in these interactions that Romy begins to see how much her daughter’s openness challenges her preconceived notions, helping her embrace her true self and redefine her understanding of her own desires. The beauty of their relationship lies in the quiet but powerful support Isabel provides, nurturing Romy’s transformation from a place of self-doubt to self-acceptance.
The film's cinematography and tone, reminiscent of 1990s erotic thrillers, combined with Cristobal Tapia De Veer’s extraordinary score (one of my favourites this year), create an immersive and captivating experience, pulling the audience deep into its thrilling narrative. The score, nothing short of perfection, enhances the story by adding layers of tension and intrigue. The use of primal sounds is especially impactful, seamlessly aligning with the film’s central theme - that within each of us lies a raw, (often) untamed beast.
Halina Reijn and the incredible cast have crafted a film that will deeply resonate with audiences, especially women, and we couldn’t be more grateful for it - I couldn't be more grateful for it.
Babygirl hits theaters on December 25, and watching it on the big screen will surely give you exactly what you want. Cheers to my kinky girlies!
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